The "What If..." List

Today I went out for lunch with the Office Groom and we had a really good talk about marriage and life. A little deep for a mid day conversation, I know, but we've decided that there's been way too much wedding talk, and not enough life talk, like career goals, our "future kids," our personal life goals, and fears.

The latter brought up a few "what ifs" we each had and we were reminded of something we did a few years ago which we found really helpful. We called it the "What If List" at the time and the name has stuck ever since.

The idea behind the list is for each person to write a list of what if's about themselves and about the relationship. And I mean, ANYTHING. "What if you get a job in another country?" "What if I gain a whole bunch of weight and you don't find me attractive anymore?"

Once you have completed your lists you can either read them out loud or to yourselves, and then literally burn the lists. Word to the wise - use caution when doing this! Remember what your mom told you about playing with fire, ok?!

The idea behind this is that "what if's" are just that. They are questions about things that don't exist. Sometimes we get caught up on scenarios that we create in our heads, which can then lead us to behave as if they actually happened. When you write out a list, you make your fears known. That's the first step. While you shouldn't act on them, you should also not ignore them, because you'll act on them subconsciously anyway. Once you've acknowledged your fears, you can then acknowledge that what you're afraid of is just in your head.

What it comes down to is living in the now. When you do that, you have more time to appreciate everything you have at that very moment, and less time worrying about the future. It can give you and your significant other a huge breath of relief and bring you closer together. And when you discover how many similar "what if's" you share, you'll also realize you're not alone :)